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Public: A New Poem Written on the J Train - the dark knight
why so serious?
sogentlybefore
sogentlybefore
Public: A New Poem Written on the J Train
From Scratch

Sinking weight of my feet,
grounded despite the swelling heart,
I let the heavy hook of talons
puncture flesh in the carry.
I hold it all.

I will be 22
and through with worry,
living recklessly average.
But for now I am frozen in perch,
not wanting to unlatch myself.

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sniadecki From: sniadecki Date: October 16th, 2008 09:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Niiice. I like "puncture of flesh in the carry" and "I am frozen in perch", both are just brilliant. That's a kind of word usage I don't seem to come up with very often--both words make sense but they're in such an unusual place that they become something more. I'm also see a (intentional?) double-meaning in "perch", as both the image of talons gripping a stable platform and carrying off the fish.

"Recklessly average" is interesting... suggestive of ignoring deeper wants and ambitions. As if the speaker knows they could be doing much more, and much better, but instead have chosen to let those high hopes lie dormant on a whim.

"I will be 22 / and through with worry"... optimistic, love, and I hope you can keep to that thought, make it stick. But life always finds something new to make your thoughts churn. This line, though, works together with the "recklessly average" to suggest that the source of all the worries are in fact these unrealized ambitions. Abandon the dreams, and abandon the concern that you will or won't succeed in accomplishing them. I'm not judging this idea at all--I've spent my share of days wondering about the value of fame vs. family, stability vs. adventure.

I'm curious just how much poetry you have filed away in notebooks, that has never seen the light of day...
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